Guilt
by La5021
Summary: The term, the ensemble of letters is on the tip of her tongue. Love – an emotion, adoration, a deep affection, her.


**A/N: My friend dared me to write supercorp angst because apparently my stuff has been too fluffy lately. So here it is. Just know that it physically pained me to write this.**

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It's the seemingly innocuous action that catches Kara off guard: the furrowed brow accompanied by a tired sigh as she stirs from sleep that causes her heart to beat erratically in her chest, her breath to come out in short exhales. It's that first glimpse into swirling green tinted with the barest hint of hazel, still clouded by the haziness of sleep and the lazy smile that follows when she sees Kara looking at her. At another time Kara will wonder why that is, why it's that action that signals for the inexplicable distribution of warmth throughout her body. The rawness of it all, of this _feeling_ , of the tangible reality that her heart is bursting with something she can't put into words, into a coherent _thought_ , is making Kara dizzy. She has a word for everything. Several even. Yet now she has one. The term, the ensemble of letters is on the tip of her tongue.

 _Love_ – an emotion, adoration, a deep affection, _her._

Kara pulls her against her and hides her face in the crook of her neck in an attempt to hide the flush that has slowly, but surely overtaken her cheeks. Kara doesn't need to see Lena's face to know that she's smiling.

"Good morning," Lena says, her voice still raspy from sleep. The scratchiness of her tone sends shivers down Kara's spine on the best of days, but now her body seems to be hyperaware of how close they are; how her back practically moulds to Kara's front.

"Morning," Kara murmurs quietly. She doesn't particularly want to get out of bed, but she knows that the allure of freshly ground coffee is quite possibly the only thing that is going to stop Lena from sleeping in all day. A quick glance at the alarm clock tells her that she has just over an hour until she is due at CatCo, and Lena at L-Corp for her first business meeting of the day.

With a sigh, Kara herself draws away from Lena's warmth and feels the comfortable ache in her muscles as she stretches and makes her away to the kitchen. The coffee machine comes alive with a loud _beep_ and soon the entire apartment is saturated with the bittersweet aroma of Lena's favourite blend. Unlike Lena, whose reluctance nowadays stems from her unwillingness to deal with idiotic board members, Kara is a morning person. Every morning like clockwork she rises with the sun, feels its rays invigorate her very being from the inside out.

Kara hadn't really expected to find Lena, let alone to become so _attached_. Yet now she is one of the very few constants in her life. Butterflies swirl once more in the pit of Kara's stomach at the thought of Lena's stubborn adorableness first thing in the morning She will be racing to get ready if she doesn't disentangle herself from her cocoon of blankets within the next five minutes.

Kara can hear the faint blare of sirens in the distance and briefly considers letting the police handle it, if only to spend a few more minutes with Lena. But if she's honest with herself, she's not quite ready to face her in light of her recent epiphany. Kara knows she's likely to just blurt the words out and Lena, bless her, Lena will probably need more than one cup of coffee if she's going to have _that_ conversation with Kara.

Kara scribbles down a quick note on the whiteboard on the fridge, making sure to add an unnecessary amount of smiley faces all in the hopes Lena won't be too annoyed with her when she finally makes her way into the kitchen (she won't be – in fact, she'll smile Kara's favourite smile to herself). The view from Lena's penthouse apartment is stunning and it never fails to amaze her, the few times she's actually spent the night. The sunshine that bounces off the windows of the city's towering skyscrapers is blinding and she pauses to bask in the sun's warmth before Kara lets herself fall to the streets below.

The blaring becomes louder the closer Kara gets to the scene. Police cars area already swarming around what appears to be a small jewellery store and she can just about pick out the short, lean figure of one Detective Maggie Sawyer barking orders at the scrambling deputies. Civilians and reporters crowd around the 'Do Not Cross' line set up by the police, reaching across with their phones to try and catch a glimpse of the happenings inside the store. Kara shakes her head in mild annoyance. She understands the practicality of cell-phones; she does. She didn't make it as Cat Grant's assistant for two years by being a technophobe. No, what she can't wrap her head around is the idea of the lengths people will go to for five minutes of fame on the internet.

She lands with eased practice just behind Maggie and SWAT's team leader, whom she doesn't recognise. The man's eyes widen and his face visibly pales as soon as he spots Kara because it appears that she's interrupted him mid-rant. His diverted attention is enough to alert Maggie to Kara's presence, who smirks and gives her a sharp nod before heading back to the rest of the congregated police officers. Maggie clamours at them because they're whispering amongst themselves and eyeing the symbol on Kara's chest with something akin to awe.

The jewellery store is very non-descript, though apparently it's one of the most respected in the city due to its discretion for its high-end clientele. Small and virtually impregnable, save for its only entrance in the front – probably why the thieves have chosen it, Kara surmises. The blinds are closed, blocking out any visibility the police might have had. The more Kara thinks about it, the more she's glad she's decided to step in. Kara can think of no scenario in which this might have ended well for the hostages inside. She takes a deep breath and focuses her entire attention on the store, eyes narrowing.

"We fucked up, man. How the hell are we supposed to get out of here?" Kara hears someone say – a man, if the deep timbre of his voice is any indication. He is the closest to the door, leaning against the wall. Kara will disarm him first.

"They can't get in." Kara overhears another mutter, almost lazily. The nonchalance of this reply worries Kara a little. Unlike his companion, whose heart rhythm is a rapid flutter, the second man's heartbeat is steady. Calm. Kara's eyes flash as she narrows her gaze at the building once more and suddenly she can see inside. Two people – a man and a woman – cower in the far left corner, their legs tucked close to their chests in an attempt to make themselves as small as possible. Another man in a security guard uniform lies unconscious in the middle of the store, blood pooling steadily at the base of his skull. To the right, a young woman stands behind a counter, shaking with silent tears as she empties the jewelry from the glass displays into a brown leather bag. Stood behind her is the man with the eerily calm heartbeat.

Something feels off to Kara. Everything feels a little… staged.

With a burst of superhuman speed, Kara rushes through the door's entrance and incapacitates the first thief with a swift kick to the man's knee. The man yelps in pain, but another quick jab to his temple knocks him to the ground, unmoving. Every one of Kara's moves is tempered, controlled. She knows that any breach to his concentration, any little excess in strength will kill a human. It takes a second or two for the second man to notice Kara's presence, but instead of the panic the hero expected at the sight of her, the thief grins and grabs hold of the young woman to shield his body. Kara can faintly make out the outline of the assault rifle that is digging into the lower back of the girl. The man is tall, uncommonly so, towering by almost a foot over the young girl. The suit the man is wearing is expensive-looking and fitted; his salt and pepper hair well-kept and tidy. Nothing at all like the regular low-lives Kara is used to busting. In truth, the only thing that makes him stand out from any of Lena's coworkers, or a banker from Main Street, are the man's eyes. They are dark, so dark that Kara can barely distinguish between the thief's iris and pupil.

"Let's not do something you might regret," Kara says in the most soothing tone she can muster. . There are too many variables, too many things that could go wrong if the man decides to start shooting. Kara may be impervious to bullets, but the rest of the hostages certainly weren't. His eyes flicker to the man he disarmed a minute ago and he breathes a sigh of relief that he is still knocked out cold. _Good. One less thing to worry about_.

"You couldn't resist, could you?" the man says finally, his smile widening. "You just had to be the hero."

Kara takes a step towards the man, her movements purposefully slow. She doesn't want to startle him. Kara reaches her arm out, "Let the girl go. You have what you want now. You have the jewels."

"I don't think you quite realize the predicament you're in, _Supergirl_. I have nothing to lose, you see. I lost everything the moment your mother sentenced me to hell in that prison. You, on the other hand have everything to lose." The man's eyes are manic and suddenly she can sense the barely restrained strength in his body, how it's practically begging to be released. The girl is crying, tears streaming down already blotchy cheeks. The man tosses the assault rifle to the side, no longer needing it and tightens his grip on the girl's arm. She lets out an audible whimper at his touch.

He shoots Kara one last crooked grin and Karablanches it's just so eerily familiar. He snaps the girl's neck.

 **12:03**

" _In today's news: a jewelry heist in downtown National City has cost the lives of two people. The names of the deceased have yet to be released, but we are told that their families have been informed. Police were quick to arrive on the scene, following the trigger of the silent alarm, but due to complications were unable to storm the store and apprehend the thieves. Multiple witness accounts state of the intervention of_ Supergirl _, but police have yet to either confirm or deny her presence at the store. When questioned about the events, the lead detective on the case responded with a calm and collected 'No comment'. The_ NCPD _have yet to issue an official statement about the break-in. In sport, the National City Giants…"_

 **16:57**

" _This just in: new video footage of the events downtown has surfaced online and it does appear to confirm the involvement of National City's favorite superhero,_ Supergirl _. The following video contains flashing images and its content may not be suitable for young children. Please, view at your own discretion […] As you can see on your screens, you can clearly see_ Supergirl _briefly interact with Detective Maggie Sawyer and an as of yet unidentified SWAT officer before bursting through the store's entrance. Shortly after several gunshots can be heard._

 _A few hours ago, the police released the names of Leila Rivers, 24, and Douglas Brown, 53, as the two victims of the robbery gone wrong. The pair were rushed to Mercy West Hospital by_ Supergirl _herself, according to paramedics and other witnesses, but were unable to be revived due to the catastrophic injuries they suffered. One man has been arrested and is currently being questioned by police, and another is in critical condition in the intensive care unit at Mercy West. Their names and those of the other hostages have yet to be released, but police have stated the other two hostages have been released from the hospital having suffered only minor injuries. However, reporting live from downtown is Brenda Knope. 'Hi, Brenda. What more can you tell us about what happened today?'_

' _Well Kevin, there still seems to be a great deal of uncertainty over what happened. Crime scene investigators are still combing over every inch of the store, to try to understand the events as they occurred and have been very tight-lipped over any evidence discovery. The main question that seems to be on everyone's mind is how or why didn't_ Supergirl _save them? We've been talking to witnesses and-'_

When Kara opens her eyes the entire apartment is silent. She glances at the TV and sees puff of grey and white smoke coming from the exposed circuitry and the remnants of the remote protruding from the now cracked flat-screen. The smell of hot, burnt plastic is overwhelming. Kara's chest heaves. Her heart is beating so erratically against her ribcage as blood rushes through her ears. Her glasses lay discarded and broken on the hardwood floor and Kara's hands are clenching the rough fabric of her jeans. She almost tears through the denim by actively running her blunt nails up and down her thighs. She doesn't want to close her eyes. If she does, she knows that all she'll be able to see are the faces of the countless people she's failed to save. Not just Leila and Douglas. Kara's larynx constricts as she swallows the lump that had begun to solidify at the back of her throat. She draws a shaky breath and tries to quell the turbulent storm of emotions that has been brewing within her ever since she left the jewelry store.

She stays that way for a while and Kara is so lost and at war with herself that she doesn't even sense Lena enter the apartment or feel the dip in the sofa when she sits down, until she finds herself securely wrapped in her arms and enveloped in her comforting scent. _When did she even get here?_ Kara almost wants to resist when Lena moves to cup her cheek, but she allows Lena to stroke her thumb along her cheekbone. Kara's teary blue eyes meet Lena's and she roves over her girlfriend's features, looking for the acceptance and the forgiveness that she is so desperately craving, while simultaneously memorizing every inch of her.

"It wasn't your fault," Lena whispers, eyes soft and so impossibly green in the slowly fading sunshine.

"You weren't even there, Lena. You didn't," Kara sighs, unable to complete the sentence.

"Then tell me," Lena prompts, delicate fingers still stroking Kara's cheek. Lena's gaze never strays from Kara's as she smiles encouragingly at her.

"It was premeditated," Kara says weakly before clearing her throat. "The man he, he _knew_ I was coming. He was waiting for _me_. He wanted revenge for what my mother did to him. Those people, they never stood a chance. I wasn't quick enough. I wasn't strong enough."

"It wasn't your fault," Lena repeats firmly. "If you're right they wouldn't have stood a chance even if you hadn't shown up. You can't save everyone, Kara. Nobody's perfect, not even you."

"But I-"

"No. Listen to me. If anyone understands it's me. You are _not_ your mother and it is not your responsibility to atone for her sins."

Kara disagrees, but she doesn't voice her reply and instead nuzzles into the crook of Lena's neck. Lena shudders slightly, but makes no move to shift from their current position. They sit in comfortable silence for a while, Lena's heartbeat lulling Kara's back into a steady rhythm as they watch the sun make its descent across the National City skyline. The sky is prismatic as a multitude of blues, reds and oranges clash to mesh in a picturesque tableau that Kara vows to commit to memory. It seems so long ago now that her heart was stuttering for an entirely different reason. Kara almost wants to tell her now. The temptation is almost too great, but a heavy cloud of guilt still looms overhead. Kara hadn't been entirely truthful with Lena and the shame is slowly eating away at her insides. Would she think any differently of me if she knew what I'd done? She hadn't felt that kind of rage in a long time and the rapidity, with which it had consumed her, alarmed her to no end. Kara contents herself with pushing those thoughts aside for one night and indulges in her own selfishness.

Tomorrow will be better.

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 **Thanks for reading and don't forget to let me know what you think!**


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